One of the most persistent myths about couples counseling is that it's a last resort — something you try when the marriage is falling apart, when one person has an ultimatum, when you've tried everything else. In reality, couples who wait until they're in full crisis tend to have a harder time in therapy than couples who come in earlier. The patterns have had more time to calcify. The hurts run deeper. The goodwill has been more seriously depleted.

The data on relationship satisfaction after having a child is sobering, and new parents deserve to know it. Research by the Gottman Institute found that approximately 67% of couples experience a significant decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years of their baby's life. Two-thirds. That's not a minority experience — it's the norm.

If you've ever ended an argument thinking, "We've had this exact fight a hundred times," you are not alone. Recurring conflict is one of the most common — and most exhausting — experiences couples bring into therapy. The dishes argument that's really about feeling undervalued. The money fight that's really about control and fear. The fight about being late that's really about feeling like you don't matter.